1
00:00:25,622 --> 00:00:30,527
Who, a year ago, had heard
of mr. and mrs. brian norris

2
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,330
Of 37 gledhill gardens,
parsons green?

3
00:00:33,363 --> 00:00:37,100
And yet, their epic journey
in ebw 343 has set them

4
00:00:37,134 --> 00:00:40,303
Alongside thor heyerdahl
and sir edmund hillary.

5
00:00:40,337 --> 00:00:44,007
Starting only with a theory,
mr. norris set out to prove

6
00:00:44,041 --> 00:00:46,176
That the inhabitants
of hounslow

7
00:00:46,209 --> 00:00:49,713
Could have been descendants
of the people of surbiton

8
00:00:49,746 --> 00:00:52,015
Who had made
the great trek north.

9
00:00:52,049 --> 00:00:53,650
No newcomer to this field

10
00:00:53,684 --> 00:00:56,453
Mr. norris' a short history
of motor traffic

11
00:00:56,486 --> 00:00:57,954
Between purley and esher

12
00:00:57,988 --> 00:01:00,724
Had become a minor classic
in the car-swapping belt.

13
00:01:00,757 --> 00:01:03,694
But why would the people
of surbiton go to hounslow?

14
00:01:03,727 --> 00:01:05,862
Mr. norris had noticed
three things:

15
00:01:05,896 --> 00:01:08,999
Firstly,
the similarity of houses;

16
00:01:09,032 --> 00:01:11,201
Secondly, the similarity
of costume

17
00:01:11,234 --> 00:01:13,170
Between hounslow and surbiton;

18
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:15,639
And thirdly,
the similarity of speech.

19
00:01:15,672 --> 00:01:18,542
Are you still running
the g.d.b.d.m.d.b.?

20
00:01:18,575 --> 00:01:21,545
Ah, yes, but I've had
the excess nipples woppled

21
00:01:21,578 --> 00:01:22,713
To remove tamping.

22
00:01:22,746 --> 00:01:24,047
Jolly good.

23
00:01:24,081 --> 00:01:26,116
Were these just coincidences

24
00:01:26,149 --> 00:01:28,218
Or were they,
as mr. norris believed

25
00:01:28,251 --> 00:01:30,620
Part of an identical
cultural background?

26
00:01:30,654 --> 00:01:33,390
One further discovery
convinced him:

27
00:01:33,423 --> 00:01:34,725
The lawnmower.

28
00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:37,694
Surely such a sophisticated
household gadget

29
00:01:37,728 --> 00:01:40,630
Could not have
been generated independently

30
00:01:40,664 --> 00:01:42,165
In two separate areas.

31
00:01:42,199 --> 00:01:43,734
Mr. norris was convinced.

32
00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:45,068
I'm convinced.

33
00:01:45,102 --> 00:01:46,803
But how to prove it?

34
00:01:46,837 --> 00:01:48,138
But how to prove it?

35
00:01:48,171 --> 00:01:50,440
There was only one way
to see if the journey

36
00:01:50,474 --> 00:01:52,843
Between surbiton and hounslow
was possible

37
00:01:52,876 --> 00:01:54,678
And that was
to try and make it.

38
00:01:54,711 --> 00:01:56,513
Months of preparation followed

39
00:01:56,546 --> 00:01:58,849
While mr. norris
continued his research

40
00:01:58,882 --> 00:02:00,684
In the putney public library

41
00:02:00,717 --> 00:02:02,686
And mrs. norris
made sandwiches.

42
00:02:02,719 --> 00:02:03,920
Finally, by april

43
00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:07,224
They were ready.

44
00:02:08,492 --> 00:02:11,561
On the 23rd,
mr. and mrs. norris set out

45
00:02:11,595 --> 00:02:15,465
From abide-a-wee to motor
the 15 miles to surbiton

46
00:02:15,499 --> 00:02:20,771
Watched by a crowd
of local well-wishers.

47
00:02:21,138 --> 00:02:23,607
That evening,
they dined at tooting.

48
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:26,977
This would be the last
they'd see of civilization.

49
00:02:27,010 --> 00:02:29,579
Mr. norris' diary
for the 23rd reveals

50
00:02:29,613 --> 00:02:31,081
The extraordinary calmness

51
00:02:31,114 --> 00:02:33,383
And deep inner peacefulness
of his mind.

52
00:02:33,417 --> 00:02:35,118
7:30-- fed cat.

53
00:02:35,152 --> 00:02:36,420
8:00-- breakfast.

54
00:02:36,453 --> 00:02:38,422
8:30-- yes, (successfully).

55
00:02:38,455 --> 00:02:41,158
9:00-- set out
on historic journey.

56
00:02:41,191 --> 00:02:45,262
On the morning of the 24th,
early to avoid the traffic

57
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:48,865
Mr. norris' historic expedition
set out from surbiton--

58
00:02:48,899 --> 00:02:50,300
Destination hounslow.

59
00:02:50,334 --> 00:02:53,670
Early on, they began
to perceive encouraging signs.

60
00:02:53,704 --> 00:02:57,474
The writing on the sign
was almost exactly the same

61
00:02:57,507 --> 00:02:59,743
As the writing
in the a.a. book.

62
00:02:59,776 --> 00:03:01,945
They were on the right route.

63
00:03:01,978 --> 00:03:04,114
During the long hours
of the voyage

64
00:03:04,147 --> 00:03:05,482
Mr. norris' wife betty

65
00:03:05,515 --> 00:03:07,684
Kept a complete
photographic record

66
00:03:07,718 --> 00:03:08,952
And made sandwiches.

67
00:03:08,985 --> 00:03:11,054
This is some
of the unique footage

68
00:03:11,088 --> 00:03:13,957
Which mrs. norris got back
from the chemist's.

69
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,459
Mile succeeded mile

70
00:03:15,492 --> 00:03:18,995
And the terrific strain
was beginning to tell

71
00:03:19,029 --> 00:03:20,297
When suddenly...

72
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,065
By an amazing stroke of luck

73
00:03:22,099 --> 00:03:25,002
Mr. norris had come
across the kingston bypass.

74
00:03:25,035 --> 00:03:27,738
This was something
to tell the round table.

75
00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:29,806
At this stage,
mr. norris was faced

76
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,775
With two major
divergent theories

77
00:03:31,808 --> 00:03:33,744
Concerning
his surbiton ancestors

78
00:03:33,777 --> 00:03:35,712
Did they take
the kingston bypass

79
00:03:35,746 --> 00:03:37,047
Turning left at barnes

80
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,682
Or did they strike west

81
00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:41,585
Up the a308 via norbiton
to hampton wick?

82
00:03:41,618 --> 00:03:45,355
Both these theories run up
against one big obstacle:

83
00:03:45,389 --> 00:03:47,224
The thames--

84
00:03:47,257 --> 00:03:50,927
Lying like a silver turd
between richmond and isleworth.

85
00:03:50,961 --> 00:03:52,596
This was a major setback.

86
00:03:52,629 --> 00:03:55,265
How could they possibly
cross the river?

87
00:03:55,298 --> 00:03:58,068
Several hours of thought
produced nothing.

88
00:03:58,101 --> 00:04:00,671
There was only one flask
of coffee left

89
00:04:00,704 --> 00:04:03,573
When suddenly
mr. norris spotted something.

90
00:04:03,607 --> 00:04:07,277
Could this
have been the method used?

91
00:04:07,310 --> 00:04:08,945
Hardly daring to believe

92
00:04:08,979 --> 00:04:12,015
Mr. norris led his expedition
on to the 3:47.

93
00:04:12,049 --> 00:04:14,051
40 minutes later, via clapham

94
00:04:14,084 --> 00:04:17,521
Fulham, chiswick and brentford,
they approached their goal:

95
00:04:17,554 --> 00:04:19,056
Hounslow.

96
00:04:19,089 --> 00:04:21,091
Was this then the final proof?

97
00:04:21,124 --> 00:04:23,994
Something aroused
the accountant's instinct

98
00:04:24,027 --> 00:04:26,296
Very deep
in mr. norris' makeup.

99
00:04:26,329 --> 00:04:29,499
The journey was possible,
and yet...

100
00:04:29,533 --> 00:04:32,269
"wrong-way" norris had
accidentally stumbled on

101
00:04:32,302 --> 00:04:34,471
A piece
of anthropological history.

102
00:04:34,504 --> 00:04:36,573
It was the inhabitants
of hounslow

103
00:04:36,606 --> 00:04:38,642
Who had made
the great trek south

104
00:04:38,675 --> 00:04:40,844
To the sunnier pastures
of surbiton

105
00:04:40,877 --> 00:04:43,980
And not vice versa,
as he had originally surmised.

106
00:04:44,014 --> 00:04:46,049
This was
the secret of surbiton.

107
00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:48,685
Happy and contented,
mr. norris returned

108
00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:51,688
To the calmer waters
of chartered accountancy

109
00:04:51,722 --> 00:04:57,394
For, in his way,
"wrong-way" norris was right.

110
00:05:04,301 --> 00:05:05,068
And now...

111
00:05:05,102 --> 00:05:07,671
It's...

112
00:05:11,008 --> 00:05:15,312
Monty python's flying circus.

113
00:05:40,203 --> 00:05:44,274
Knock, enter and approach.

114
00:05:46,343 --> 00:05:47,644
Right.

115
00:05:47,678 --> 00:05:49,780
It's come to my notice
that certain boys

116
00:05:49,813 --> 00:05:52,749
Have been running a unit-trust
linked assurance scheme

117
00:05:52,783 --> 00:05:55,986
With fringe benefits and full
cash-in endowment facilities.

118
00:05:56,019 --> 00:05:57,888
Apparently,
small investors were attracted

119
00:05:57,921 --> 00:05:59,256
By the wide-ranging portfolio

120
00:05:59,289 --> 00:06:00,557
And that in the first week

121
00:06:00,590 --> 00:06:02,759
The limited offer
was oversubscribed eight times.

122
00:06:02,793 --> 00:06:04,695
It was
tidwell's idea, sir.

123
00:06:04,728 --> 00:06:06,296
Shut up, stebbins.
I haven't finished.

124
00:06:06,329 --> 00:06:08,065
Oh, by the way,
congratulations on winning

125
00:06:08,098 --> 00:06:09,433
The italian
grand prix at monza.

126
00:06:09,466 --> 00:06:10,434
Thank you, sir.

127
00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:11,702
Shut up.

128
00:06:11,735 --> 00:06:12,836
Now then, this sort

129
00:06:12,869 --> 00:06:14,971
Of extracurricular
capitalist expansion

130
00:06:15,005 --> 00:06:15,972
Has got to stop.

131
00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:17,207
I made it quite clear

132
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,643
When potter tried
to go public last term

133
00:06:19,676 --> 00:06:21,678
That these massive
stock exchange deals

134
00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:23,213
Must not happen
in big school.

135
00:06:23,246 --> 00:06:24,581
Is that clear,
balderston?

136
00:06:24,614 --> 00:06:25,649
Yes, sir.

137
00:06:25,682 --> 00:06:27,584
Oh, and balderston,
next time you do

138
00:06:27,617 --> 00:06:29,619
A "panorama" report
on the black ghettos

139
00:06:29,653 --> 00:06:31,988
You must get an exeat form
from mr. dibley.

140
00:06:32,022 --> 00:06:32,989
Sorry, sir.

141
00:06:33,023 --> 00:06:34,591
Shut up,
and stop slouching.

142
00:06:34,624 --> 00:06:37,194
Now, the reason
I've called you in here today

143
00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:40,597
Is that my wife is having
a little trouble with her, uh...

144
00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:42,366
With her waterworks,
and, uh...

145
00:06:42,399 --> 00:06:44,501
I think she needs
a bit of attention.

146
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:47,671
Now, which one of you
is the surgeon?

147
00:06:47,704 --> 00:06:49,473
Come on, I know
one of you is.

148
00:06:49,506 --> 00:06:50,841
Now, which one is it?

149
00:06:50,874 --> 00:06:51,908
Ah, tidwell.

150
00:06:51,942 --> 00:06:53,610
Good. well,
I want you to cut along

151
00:06:53,643 --> 00:06:55,145
Have a look at the wife.

152
00:06:55,178 --> 00:06:57,848
Oh, sir, why don't you ask
stebbins? he's a gynecologist.

153
00:06:57,881 --> 00:06:59,383
Oh, you rotten stinker,
tidwell!

154
00:06:59,416 --> 00:07:01,084
Shh. is this true, stebbins?

155
00:07:01,118 --> 00:07:02,486
Are you a gynecologist?

156
00:07:02,519 --> 00:07:03,820
Yes, sir.

157
00:07:03,854 --> 00:07:06,656
Right. just the man.
how much do you charge?

158
00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:07,724
30 guineas, sir.

159
00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:09,092
Excellent. right. I want you

160
00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:10,494
To go along to see the wife.

161
00:07:10,527 --> 00:07:11,895
Give her a full examination.

162
00:07:11,928 --> 00:07:14,064
Let me know the results
by the end of break.

163
00:07:14,097 --> 00:07:18,101
And don't
pick your nose!

164
00:07:22,439 --> 00:07:23,707
Hello.

165
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,008
Hello.

166
00:07:25,042 --> 00:07:27,177
Well, last week
we showed you

167
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:29,279
How to become
a gynecologist

168
00:07:29,312 --> 00:07:31,448
And this week
on how to do it

169
00:07:31,481 --> 00:07:34,851
We're going to show you
how to play the flute

170
00:07:34,885 --> 00:07:36,253
How to split an atom

171
00:07:36,286 --> 00:07:39,122
How to construct
a box girder bridge

172
00:07:39,156 --> 00:07:41,591
How to irrigate
the sahara desert

173
00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:45,062
And make vast new areas
of land cultivatable.

174
00:07:45,095 --> 00:07:47,597
But, first, here's
jackie to tell you all

175
00:07:47,631 --> 00:07:50,367
How to rid the world
of all known diseases.

176
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,702
Hello, alan.

177
00:07:51,735 --> 00:07:53,036
Hello, jackie.

178
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:54,805
Well, first of all,
become a doctor

179
00:07:54,838 --> 00:07:57,174
And discover a marvelous
cure for something

180
00:07:57,207 --> 00:07:59,076
And then when
the medical profession

181
00:07:59,109 --> 00:08:00,911
Really starts
to take notice of you

182
00:08:00,944 --> 00:08:02,946
You can jolly well
tell them what to do

183
00:08:02,979 --> 00:08:05,048
And make sure
they get everything right

184
00:08:05,082 --> 00:08:07,451
So there'll never be
any diseases ever again.

185
00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:08,552
Thanks, jackie.

186
00:08:08,585 --> 00:08:09,886
Great idea.

187
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,455
How to play the flute.

188
00:08:11,488 --> 00:08:12,756
Well, here we are.

189
00:08:12,789 --> 00:08:14,057
Um, you blow there

190
00:08:14,091 --> 00:08:17,027
And you move your fingers
up and down here.

191
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:18,395
Great... great, alan.

192
00:08:18,428 --> 00:08:20,731
Well, next week
we'll be showing you

193
00:08:20,764 --> 00:08:23,600
How black and white people
can live together

194
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:24,901
In peace and harmony

195
00:08:24,935 --> 00:08:26,970
And alan will be over in moscow

196
00:08:27,004 --> 00:08:30,707
Showing us how to reconcile
the russians and the chinese.

197
00:08:30,741 --> 00:08:32,642
So, until next week, cheerio.

198
00:08:32,676 --> 00:08:33,810
Bye.

199
00:08:33,844 --> 00:08:34,845
Bye.

200
00:08:34,878 --> 00:08:37,514
Bye-bye.

201
00:08:41,418 --> 00:08:43,553
Oh, yes, he's such
a clever little boy

202
00:08:43,587 --> 00:08:44,788
Just like his father.

203
00:08:44,821 --> 00:08:47,090
Oh, do you think so,
mrs. nigger-baiter?

204
00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:48,091
Oh, yes.

205
00:08:48,125 --> 00:08:50,160
Spitting image.

206
00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:51,161
Mmm!

207
00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:52,162
Afternoon, mother.

208
00:08:52,195 --> 00:08:53,830
Afternoon,
mrs. nigger-baiter.

209
00:08:53,864 --> 00:08:55,399
Ooh, he's
walking already.

210
00:08:55,432 --> 00:08:57,634
Yes, he's such
a clever little boy.

211
00:08:57,668 --> 00:08:58,802
Coochy-coochy-coo!

212
00:08:58,835 --> 00:09:00,003
Hello, coochy-coo!

213
00:09:00,037 --> 00:09:01,338
Hello, coochy-coochy!

214
00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:02,339
Hello!

215
00:09:02,372 --> 00:09:03,340
Look at him

216
00:09:03,373 --> 00:09:05,208
Laughing!

217
00:09:05,242 --> 00:09:07,844
He's a chirpy little
fellow, isn't he?

218
00:09:07,878 --> 00:09:10,280
Isn't he a chirpy
little fellow, eh?

219
00:09:10,313 --> 00:09:11,314
Does he talk?

220
00:09:11,348 --> 00:09:12,516
Does he talk, eh?

221
00:09:12,549 --> 00:09:14,084
Of course I can talk.

222
00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:15,952
I'm minister
for overseas development.

223
00:09:15,986 --> 00:09:18,155
Ooh, he's
a clever little boy!

224
00:09:18,188 --> 00:09:20,090
He's a clever
little boy!

225
00:09:20,123 --> 00:09:22,292
Do you like
your rattle, eh?

226
00:09:22,325 --> 00:09:23,760
Do you like
your rattle?

227
00:09:23,794 --> 00:09:25,929
Look at his eyes
following it, eh.

228
00:09:25,962 --> 00:09:28,598
Look at his
iggy-piggy-piggy little eyeballs.

229
00:09:28,632 --> 00:09:30,367
Ooh, he's got
a tubby tum-tum.

230
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,135
Ooh, he's got
a tubby tum-tum!

231
00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:34,838
Mother, could I have
a quick cup of tea, please?

232
00:09:34,871 --> 00:09:37,140
I have an important
statement on rhodesia

233
00:09:37,174 --> 00:09:40,477
To make in the commons
at 6:00.

234
00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:44,381
Oh, mrs. nigger-baiter's
exploded!

235
00:09:44,414 --> 00:09:45,382
Good thing, too.

236
00:09:45,415 --> 00:09:46,850
She was my best friend.

237
00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:49,086
Oh, mother,
don't be so sentimental.

238
00:09:49,119 --> 00:09:50,687
Things explode every day.

239
00:09:50,721 --> 00:09:51,888
Yes, I suppose so.

240
00:09:51,922 --> 00:09:55,025
Anyway, I didn't really
like her that much.

241
00:09:55,058 --> 00:09:56,860
Ooh.

242
00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:58,228
Hello.
I'm your new vicar.

243
00:09:58,261 --> 00:10:00,397
Can I interest you
in any encyclopedias?

244
00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:01,431
Oh, no. thank you.

245
00:10:01,465 --> 00:10:03,266
We're not church
people. thank you.

246
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,268
How about brushes?
nylon or bristle?

247
00:10:05,302 --> 00:10:07,037
Strong-tufted,
attractive colors.

248
00:10:07,070 --> 00:10:08,572
No. really,
thank you, vicar.

249
00:10:08,605 --> 00:10:10,507
Oh, dear. turkey?
cup final tickets?

250
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:13,176
No, no. really, we're
just not religious.

251
00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:14,177
Thank you.

252
00:10:14,211 --> 00:10:15,345
Oh, well. bye-bye.

253
00:10:15,379 --> 00:10:17,714
Bye-bye, vicar.

254
00:10:17,748 --> 00:10:19,649
Remember,
if you do want anything:

255
00:10:19,683 --> 00:10:21,451
Jewelry, ascot,
water heaters...

256
00:10:21,485 --> 00:10:23,553
Thank you, vicar.

257
00:10:23,587 --> 00:10:26,089
It's funny,
isn't it, how...

258
00:10:26,123 --> 00:10:30,394
How your best friend can
just blow up like that?

259
00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:32,929
You wouldn't think it was
medically possible, would you?

260
00:10:32,963 --> 00:10:35,298
This is where mrs. shazam
was so wrong.

261
00:10:35,332 --> 00:10:38,402
Exploding is a perfectly normal
medical phenomenon.

262
00:10:38,435 --> 00:10:40,537
In many fields of medicine
nowadays

263
00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:43,073
A dose of dynamite
can do a world of good.

264
00:10:43,106 --> 00:10:46,510
For instance, athlete's foot--
an irritating condition--

265
00:10:46,543 --> 00:10:49,379
Can be cured by applying
a small charge of tnt

266
00:10:49,413 --> 00:10:52,015
Between each toe...

267
00:10:52,049 --> 00:10:54,851
Excuse me.

268
00:10:55,452 --> 00:10:56,920
Hello. I'm
your new vicar.

269
00:10:56,953 --> 00:10:58,088
Can I interest you

270
00:10:58,121 --> 00:11:00,090
In any of
these watches, pens or biros?

271
00:11:00,123 --> 00:11:01,892
No. I'm not religious,
I'm afraid.

272
00:11:01,925 --> 00:11:03,026
Oh. souvenirs, badges

273
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:05,295
Little noddy dog for
the back of the car?

274
00:11:05,328 --> 00:11:06,463
No. thank you, vicar.

275
00:11:06,496 --> 00:11:07,798
Good morning.

276
00:11:07,831 --> 00:11:09,833
Now, many
of the medical profession

277
00:11:09,866 --> 00:11:11,501
Are skeptical about my work.

278
00:11:11,535 --> 00:11:12,869
They point to my record

279
00:11:12,903 --> 00:11:15,305
Of treatment
of athlete's foot sufferers:

280
00:11:15,339 --> 00:11:20,977
84 dead, 65 severely wounded
and 12 missing, believed cured.

281
00:11:21,011 --> 00:11:23,113
But then,
people laughed at bob hope.

282
00:11:23,146 --> 00:11:24,481
They laughed at my wife

283
00:11:24,514 --> 00:11:27,351
When she wrapped herself up
in grease-proof paper

284
00:11:27,384 --> 00:11:29,853
And hopped
into the social security office.

285
00:11:29,886 --> 00:11:32,456
But that doesn't mean
that pasteur was wrong.

286
00:11:32,489 --> 00:11:34,391
Look, I'll show you what I mean.

287
00:11:34,424 --> 00:11:35,425
Watch it, mate.

288
00:11:35,459 --> 00:11:37,060
I'm not going
to stand around here

289
00:11:37,094 --> 00:11:38,929
Getting poked
and prodded all day.

290
00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:39,930
I'm off.

291
00:11:39,963 --> 00:11:41,231
I've got a decent body.

292
00:11:41,264 --> 00:11:43,567
All I get is poked and prodded
in the chest.

293
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,403
Well, I'm off. I'm going
to get another line of work.

294
00:11:46,436 --> 00:11:47,404
Watch it!

295
00:11:47,437 --> 00:11:48,905
Don't go any further!

296
00:11:48,939 --> 00:11:50,007
Turn back!

297
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,442
Stop! stop!
please! oh, stop!

298
00:11:52,476 --> 00:11:53,710
Oh, my god!

299
00:11:53,744 --> 00:11:55,846
He's fallen off the edge
of the cartoon!

300
00:11:55,879 --> 00:11:57,681
Well, so much for that link.

301
00:11:57,714 --> 00:12:00,484
John cobbley is the musical
and artistic director

302
00:12:00,517 --> 00:12:01,585
Of covent garden.

303
00:12:01,618 --> 00:12:03,320
He is himself
a talented musician

304
00:12:03,353 --> 00:12:06,790
He's a world-famous authority
on 19th century russian music

305
00:12:06,823 --> 00:12:08,892
And he's come
into the studio tonight

306
00:12:08,925 --> 00:12:10,494
To talk
about tschaikowsky...

307
00:12:10,527 --> 00:12:11,795
Which is
a bit of a pity

308
00:12:11,828 --> 00:12:13,163
As this is farming club.

309
00:12:13,196 --> 00:12:14,664
And on farming club
tonight

310
00:12:14,698 --> 00:12:15,932
We'll be taking a look

311
00:12:15,966 --> 00:12:18,568
At the ministry's
latest preventative proposals

312
00:12:18,602 --> 00:12:21,371
To deal with possible outbreaks
of foot-and-mouth.

313
00:12:21,405 --> 00:12:22,806
We'll be talking later on

314
00:12:22,839 --> 00:12:25,042
To the man who believes
that milk yields

315
00:12:25,075 --> 00:12:26,643
Can be increased
dramatically

316
00:12:26,677 --> 00:12:28,545
But first,
a farming club special:

317
00:12:28,578 --> 00:12:32,749
"the life of tschaikowsky."

318
00:12:52,035 --> 00:12:54,071
Tschaikowsky--
was he the tortured soul

319
00:12:54,104 --> 00:12:56,039
Who poured out
his immortal longings

320
00:12:56,073 --> 00:12:58,241
Into dignified passages
of stately music

321
00:12:58,275 --> 00:13:00,644
Or was he just an old poof
who wrote tunes?

322
00:13:00,677 --> 00:13:02,179
Tonight, on farming club

323
00:13:02,212 --> 00:13:05,415
We're going to take
an intimate look at tschaikowsky

324
00:13:05,449 --> 00:13:07,651
And an intimate look
at his friends.

325
00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:09,519
Incidentally,
bbc publications

326
00:13:09,553 --> 00:13:11,521
Have prepared
a special pamphlet

327
00:13:11,555 --> 00:13:14,558
To go with this program
called hello, pianist

328
00:13:14,591 --> 00:13:16,126
And it contains material

329
00:13:16,159 --> 00:13:18,495
Which some people
might find offensive

330
00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:20,330
But which
is really smashing.

331
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:22,899
Peter ilytch tschaikowsky
was born in 1840

332
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:26,003
In a ken russell film
just outside st. petersburg.

333
00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:28,638
His father leo mckern--
a freelance bishop--

334
00:13:28,672 --> 00:13:31,575
Was married to vera plachenka--
julie christie--

335
00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:34,644
But secretly deeply in love
with margo farenka--

336
00:13:34,678 --> 00:13:35,912
Shirley abicair--

337
00:13:35,946 --> 00:13:38,749
And the strangely flatulent
madame ranevsky--

338
00:13:38,782 --> 00:13:39,916
Norris mcwhirter.

339
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,585
Soon, however, the family--

340
00:13:41,618 --> 00:13:44,588
Eldridge cleaver, moira lister
and stan the bat--

341
00:13:44,621 --> 00:13:47,557
Moved to the neighboring
industrial village of omsk--

342
00:13:47,591 --> 00:13:48,725
Eddie waring--

343
00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:50,861
Where they soon
found themselves, sadly

344
00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:52,963
Quite unable to cope--
anthony barber.

345
00:13:52,996 --> 00:13:54,798
In 1863, however,
tschaikowsky

346
00:13:54,831 --> 00:13:57,200
Was sent to moscow
to study the piano

347
00:13:57,234 --> 00:13:58,902
And when he'd
finished that

348
00:13:58,935 --> 00:13:59,970
The living room.

349
00:14:00,003 --> 00:14:01,705
Maurice takes
up the story.

350
00:14:01,738 --> 00:14:02,706
Well, guess what?

351
00:14:02,739 --> 00:14:04,341
The very next thing he did

352
00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:07,944
Was to go to this extraordinary,
but extraordinary duckety-poos

353
00:14:07,978 --> 00:14:10,013
Semi-mondrian house
in robin, russia.

354
00:14:10,047 --> 00:14:11,682
Harry here tammy tschaikowsky

355
00:14:11,715 --> 00:14:14,184
Wrote some of the most
sammy super symphonies

356
00:14:14,217 --> 00:14:17,287
You've ever henry heard
in the whole of your lily life.

357
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:18,889
She was such a good composer

358
00:14:18,922 --> 00:14:21,425
That everybody, but everybody,
wanted to know

359
00:14:21,458 --> 00:14:22,559
And quite right, too

360
00:14:22,592 --> 00:14:24,394
'cause she wrote
some lovely bits

361
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:27,264
Such as "sally sleeping beauty,"
"patsy pathetique"

362
00:14:27,297 --> 00:14:29,633
"adrian 1812,"
and lots of connie concerti

363
00:14:29,666 --> 00:14:32,102
For vera violin
and peter piano fanny forte.

364
00:14:32,135 --> 00:14:35,539
But what do we really know
of this tortured ponce?

365
00:14:35,572 --> 00:14:38,342
Well, if you can imagine
the size of nelson's column

366
00:14:38,375 --> 00:14:41,211
Which is roughly three times
the size of a london bus

367
00:14:41,244 --> 00:14:43,046
Then tschaikowsky
was much smaller.

368
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,815
His head was about the same size

369
00:14:44,848 --> 00:14:46,683
As that
of an extremely large dog--

370
00:14:46,717 --> 00:14:48,585
That is to say,
two very small dogs

371
00:14:48,618 --> 00:14:51,555
Or four very large hamsters,
or one medium-sized rabbit

372
00:14:51,588 --> 00:14:53,390
If you count
the whole of the body

373
00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:54,624
And not just the head.

374
00:14:54,658 --> 00:14:55,625
Uh, robin?

375
00:14:55,659 --> 00:14:56,960
Uh, thank you.

376
00:14:56,993 --> 00:14:59,663
Well, here's a three-stage model
of tschaikowsky.

377
00:14:59,696 --> 00:15:02,232
Here you see the legs,
used for walking around

378
00:15:02,265 --> 00:15:04,234
And which can be jettisoned
at night

379
00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:06,103
And, um,
this is the main trunk--

380
00:15:06,136 --> 00:15:08,038
The powerhouse
of the whole thing--

381
00:15:08,071 --> 00:15:10,374
Incorporating, of course,
the naughty bits

382
00:15:10,407 --> 00:15:12,642
Which were extremely naughty
for his time

383
00:15:12,676 --> 00:15:14,511
And the whole thing
is subservient

384
00:15:14,544 --> 00:15:16,179
To this small command module:

385
00:15:16,213 --> 00:15:19,149
The, as it were, head
of the whole, as it were, body.

386
00:15:19,182 --> 00:15:20,150
Robin?

387
00:15:20,183 --> 00:15:20,851
Peter?

388
00:15:20,884 --> 00:15:21,618
Simon.

389
00:15:21,651 --> 00:15:22,119
Maurice.

390
00:15:22,152 --> 00:15:23,253
Me.

391
00:15:23,286 --> 00:15:24,588
Well...

392
00:15:24,621 --> 00:15:27,391
Poor pet, she was like
a lost lamb in an abattoir.

393
00:15:27,424 --> 00:15:29,860
Eventually, she dickie died
of colin cholera

394
00:15:29,893 --> 00:15:32,829
In st. patsy petersburg,
in gertie great percy pain.

395
00:15:32,863 --> 00:15:35,032
Here to play tschaikowsky's

396
00:15:35,065 --> 00:15:37,167
First piano concerto
in b-flat minor

397
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:41,405
Is the world-famous soloist
sviatoslav richter.

398
00:15:41,438 --> 00:15:42,806
During the performance

399
00:15:42,839 --> 00:15:45,442
He will escape from a sack,
three padlocks

400
00:15:45,475 --> 00:15:49,379
And a pair of handcuffs.

401
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,302
Good evening.

402
00:16:45,335 --> 00:16:48,138
This new series
of trim-jeans theatre presents

403
00:16:48,171 --> 00:16:51,241
Will enable you to enjoy
the poetry of t.s. eliot

404
00:16:51,274 --> 00:16:53,443
Whilst losing
unsightly tummy bulge.

405
00:16:53,477 --> 00:16:54,611
Jean.

406
00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:57,047
Well, yes,
and the inches stay off. mark?

407
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,249
Terrific. thrill
to thomas a becket's

408
00:16:59,282 --> 00:17:01,084
Kierkegaardian
moment of choice

409
00:17:01,118 --> 00:17:04,221
Whilst making your physique
tighter, firmer, neater.

410
00:17:04,254 --> 00:17:05,322
I am here!

411
00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:06,790
No traitor
to the king.

412
00:17:06,823 --> 00:17:08,058
Absolve
all those

413
00:17:08,091 --> 00:17:09,893
You have
excommunicated.

414
00:17:09,926 --> 00:17:11,261
Resign
those powers

415
00:17:11,294 --> 00:17:12,629
You have
abrogated.

416
00:17:12,662 --> 00:17:13,997
Renew
the obedience

417
00:17:14,031 --> 00:17:15,265
You have
violated.

418
00:17:15,298 --> 00:17:16,333
Lose inches

419
00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:17,801
Off your hips,
thighs

420
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:19,236
Buttocks
and abdomen.

421
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:20,904
A terrific product.

422
00:17:20,937 --> 00:17:21,905
Terrific!

423
00:17:21,938 --> 00:17:23,140
And this comes complete

424
00:17:23,173 --> 00:17:24,808
With the most
revolutionary guarantee

425
00:17:24,841 --> 00:17:26,343
In slenderizing
history.

426
00:17:26,376 --> 00:17:29,179
This was kevin francis
before last season's

427
00:17:29,212 --> 00:17:31,348
Trim-jeans' play
of the month production

428
00:17:31,381 --> 00:17:33,083
Ofthe seagull by anton chekhov

429
00:17:33,116 --> 00:17:35,585
And the sauna belt
trim-jean company, limited.

430
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:38,422
See? kevin has slipped
into his slenderizing garment

431
00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:41,491
And is inflating it with
the handy little pump provided.

432
00:17:41,525 --> 00:17:44,761
Three acts and a few
special torso exercises later

433
00:17:44,795 --> 00:17:46,196
Kevin-- as trigorin

434
00:17:46,229 --> 00:17:48,865
The failed writer
of sentimental romances--

435
00:17:48,899 --> 00:17:51,268
Has lost over 33 inches.

436
00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:52,936
Wow! what a difference.

437
00:17:52,969 --> 00:17:55,572
That anton chekhov
can certainly write.

438
00:17:55,605 --> 00:17:56,707
Terrific.

439
00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:57,708
Terrific.

440
00:17:57,741 --> 00:17:58,909
Yes, why not join us

441
00:17:58,942 --> 00:18:00,577
For a season
of classic plays

442
00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:01,912
And rapid
slenderizing.

443
00:18:01,945 --> 00:18:04,648
Enjoy sir john gielgud
and sir ralph richardson

444
00:18:04,681 --> 00:18:07,718
Losing a total of 15 inches
in david storey's home.

445
00:18:07,751 --> 00:18:09,786
Enjoy the trim gentlemen
of verona

446
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:11,755
And long day's journey
into night

447
00:18:11,788 --> 00:18:13,156
While inches melt away.

448
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:16,660
Enjoy glenda jackson
with a constant snug fit

449
00:18:16,693 --> 00:18:19,496
And solid support
in all four areas.

450
00:18:19,529 --> 00:18:21,131
Other productions
will include:

451
00:18:21,164 --> 00:18:22,699
Treasure island

452
00:18:22,733 --> 00:18:24,534
Swan lake

453
00:18:24,568 --> 00:18:27,004
The life and loves
of toulouse-lautrec

454
00:18:27,037 --> 00:18:28,672
And the trim-
jeans' version

455
00:18:28,705 --> 00:18:29,940
Of the great escape

456
00:18:29,973 --> 00:18:31,475
With a cast
of thousands

457
00:18:31,508 --> 00:18:35,912
Losing well over
1,500 inches.

458
00:19:01,071 --> 00:19:02,439
Was ist das?!

459
00:19:02,472 --> 00:19:03,607
Achtung! achtung!

460
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,510
Halt! halt!

461
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:12,382
Halt!

462
00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:28,365
Wasn't that terrific,
ladies and gentlemen?

463
00:19:28,398 --> 00:19:29,466
Really great.

464
00:19:29,499 --> 00:19:31,535
Now, the next item
on the program is...

465
00:19:31,568 --> 00:19:33,337
I can't stand it,
man. really not.

466
00:19:33,370 --> 00:19:34,771
I've had it
with this idiot

467
00:19:34,805 --> 00:19:37,040
Every night making me
say the most inane...

468
00:19:37,074 --> 00:19:38,141
Really terrific act.

469
00:19:38,175 --> 00:19:39,476
Now, the next item on...

470
00:19:39,509 --> 00:19:42,646
I'm off. gone.

471
00:19:45,849 --> 00:19:49,686
I can express myself...

472
00:19:51,421 --> 00:19:56,526
If he feels the same
way I feel, man...

473
00:20:20,884 --> 00:20:24,021
Welcome aboard, britisher pig.

474
00:20:24,054 --> 00:20:27,357
Quite a little surprise, ja?

475
00:20:27,391 --> 00:20:31,194
But perhaps you would be so kind
as to tell us all you know

476
00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:34,865
About certain allied
shipping routes, ja?

477
00:20:34,898 --> 00:20:36,166
Come on, talk!

478
00:20:36,199 --> 00:20:38,568
Hello, fritz.

479
00:20:38,602 --> 00:20:40,937
The tables seem
to have turned, old chap.

480
00:20:40,971 --> 00:20:45,308
Let's see how you like a bit
of your own medicine, eh?

481
00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:48,045
Come on, fritz, now tell us--
tell us about...

482
00:20:48,078 --> 00:20:51,715
Ah, gleetings, capitalist dog.

483
00:20:51,748 --> 00:20:53,684
Very sorry, but must inform you

484
00:20:53,717 --> 00:20:57,020
That you are now prisoner
of people's republic.

485
00:20:57,054 --> 00:20:59,089
I'm very sorry, comrade commando

486
00:20:59,122 --> 00:21:00,824
But I have just picked up

487
00:21:00,857 --> 00:21:05,662
A capitalist ship
on radar scanner.

488
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,177
This is your captain speaking.

489
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:21,778
There is no need for panic.

490
00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:23,180
Women and children first.

491
00:21:23,213 --> 00:21:26,016
I repeat that:
women and children first.

492
00:21:26,049 --> 00:21:28,185
Do not rush for the lifeboats

493
00:21:28,218 --> 00:21:31,455
And remember:
women and children first.

494
00:21:31,488 --> 00:21:32,689
And indians.

495
00:21:32,723 --> 00:21:35,025
Why did you have to get
dressed up like that?

496
00:21:35,058 --> 00:21:37,127
It was the only
thing left.

497
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:38,895
Women, children
and red indians.

498
00:21:38,929 --> 00:21:40,597
And spacemen.

499
00:21:40,630 --> 00:21:42,766
Here is a revised list :

500
00:21:42,799 --> 00:21:46,837
Women, children,
red indians and spacemen.

501
00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:47,938
What's that
meant to be?

502
00:21:47,971 --> 00:21:49,339
Well, it's a sort
of impression

503
00:21:49,373 --> 00:21:51,408
Of what a kind
of renaissance courtier artist

504
00:21:51,441 --> 00:21:53,076
Might have looked
like at the courts

505
00:21:53,110 --> 00:21:54,344
Of one of the
great families

506
00:21:54,378 --> 00:21:55,779
Like the medicis
or the borgias.

507
00:21:55,812 --> 00:21:56,813
No, it's not.

508
00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:58,515
It's more flemish
than italian.

509
00:21:58,548 --> 00:22:00,217
Yes. that's a
flemish merchant

510
00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:01,818
Of the 15th
or 16th centuries.

511
00:22:01,852 --> 00:22:02,919
What? with these tassels?

512
00:22:02,953 --> 00:22:04,021
Yes, yes.

513
00:22:04,054 --> 00:22:05,789
They had those
fitted doublets going...

514
00:22:05,822 --> 00:22:07,691
Tapering down
into the full hose, you know.

515
00:22:07,724 --> 00:22:08,692
Exactly like that.

516
00:22:08,725 --> 00:22:10,193
One moment, please.
don't panic.

517
00:22:10,227 --> 00:22:11,561
Now, what's it meant to be?

518
00:22:11,595 --> 00:22:13,063
I've got to tell them
something.

519
00:22:13,096 --> 00:22:14,331
Is it a flemish merchant?

520
00:22:14,364 --> 00:22:16,266
No, it is not
a flemish merchant.

521
00:22:16,299 --> 00:22:18,268
It's more
a sort of idealized version

522
00:22:18,301 --> 00:22:19,970
Of the complete
renaissance man.

523
00:22:20,003 --> 00:22:21,438
Oh, all right.
no, it's not.

524
00:22:21,471 --> 00:22:22,939
All right, all right,
all right.

525
00:22:22,973 --> 00:22:25,008
This is your
captain speaking.

526
00:22:25,042 --> 00:22:26,777
Do not rush
for the lifeboats.

527
00:22:26,810 --> 00:22:28,378
Women, children,
red indians

528
00:22:28,412 --> 00:22:31,381
spacemen
and sort of idealized versions

529
00:22:31,415 --> 00:22:36,453
of the complete
renaissance man first.

530
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,722
Flemish merchants
did not wear

531
00:22:38,755 --> 00:22:41,458
Hand-embroidered
chevrons!

532
00:22:41,491 --> 00:22:44,528
They did not!

533
00:22:51,168 --> 00:22:54,037
Yes, gomez?

534
00:22:58,709 --> 00:23:02,145
"we found them walking
on the beach, my captain."

535
00:23:02,179 --> 00:23:05,115
Gomez, why can't you
say this?

536
00:23:05,148 --> 00:23:07,284
What? oh, I see.

537
00:23:07,317 --> 00:23:09,119
We can't afford it. ah!

538
00:23:09,152 --> 00:23:12,622
You see, the bbc
has to pay an actor 20 guineas if he speaks

539
00:23:12,656 --> 00:23:14,925
And it makes
a bit of a hole in the budget.

540
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:16,626
28 guineas, sir.
oh, sorry!

541
00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:18,228
You fool, gomez!

542
00:23:18,261 --> 00:23:19,229
That's 28 guineas.

543
00:23:19,262 --> 00:23:20,364
What about me, sir?

544
00:23:20,397 --> 00:23:22,199
Are you supposed to speak?
no, sir.

545
00:23:22,232 --> 00:23:24,401
Well, you've just spoken!
oh, sorry, sir.

546
00:23:24,434 --> 00:23:27,371
You fool, that's 56 guineas
before we've even started!

547
00:23:27,404 --> 00:23:29,740
Yes?

548
00:23:31,174 --> 00:23:32,242
What did he do that for?

549
00:23:32,275 --> 00:23:34,011
It's a stunt, sir--
an extra 20 guineas.

550
00:23:34,044 --> 00:23:35,612
Look, we can't
afford it!

551
00:23:35,645 --> 00:23:37,547
The bbc is short
of money as it is.

552
00:23:37,581 --> 00:23:39,950
The bbc wishes to deny rumors

553
00:23:39,983 --> 00:23:41,718
That it is going
into liquidation.

554
00:23:41,752 --> 00:23:44,087
Mrs. kelly, who owns the flat
where they live

555
00:23:44,121 --> 00:23:48,658
Has said that they can stay on
till the end of the month...

556
00:23:48,692 --> 00:23:51,028
And we've just heard
that huw weldon's watch

557
00:23:51,061 --> 00:23:53,730
Has been accepted
by the london electricity board

558
00:23:53,764 --> 00:23:55,532
And transmissions
for this evening

559
00:23:55,565 --> 00:23:58,402
Can be continued as planned.

560
00:23:58,435 --> 00:24:02,105
Well, that's all from me, so...
good night.

561
00:24:02,139 --> 00:24:04,408
Are you going to be
in there all night?

562
00:24:04,441 --> 00:24:06,209
It's just a bulletin,
mr. kelly.

563
00:24:06,243 --> 00:24:08,712
And now, back to the story.

564
00:24:08,745 --> 00:24:09,713
Commence!

565
00:24:09,746 --> 00:24:12,549
All right!

566
00:24:16,153 --> 00:24:19,289
We found these men walking
on the beach, my capitan.

567
00:24:19,322 --> 00:24:21,058
We're british
naval officers

568
00:24:21,091 --> 00:24:22,325
And entitled to be...

569
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,327
It's puss!

570
00:24:24,361 --> 00:24:26,496
Hello, puss.

571
00:24:26,530 --> 00:24:28,098
Hello, children.

572
00:24:28,131 --> 00:24:32,135
Stop! stop this adaptation
of puss-in-boots!

573
00:24:32,169 --> 00:24:35,372
This is the police department
of the state of venezuela.

574
00:24:35,405 --> 00:24:37,107
Oh, no, it isn't.

575
00:24:37,140 --> 00:24:38,642
Oh, yes, it is!

576
00:24:38,675 --> 00:24:40,811
Oh, no, it isn't!

577
00:24:40,844 --> 00:24:43,013
Oh, yes, it is!

578
00:24:43,046 --> 00:24:45,482
Oh, no, it isn't!

579
00:24:45,515 --> 00:24:48,885
Shut up! shut up!

580
00:24:48,885 --> 00:24:52,723
Now, I'm going
to ask you some questions

581
00:24:52,756 --> 00:24:55,726
And remember, if you do not
give me correct answers

582
00:24:55,759 --> 00:24:58,662
We have ways
of making you answer.

583
00:24:58,695 --> 00:25:00,564
Like not paying
28 guineas.

584
00:25:00,597 --> 00:25:02,499
Shut up!

585
00:25:02,532 --> 00:25:04,401
Now, what ship are you from?

586
00:25:04,434 --> 00:25:06,570
We are from
the ss mother goose.

587
00:25:06,603 --> 00:25:09,406
We were 12 days
out from port of spain and i...

588
00:25:09,439 --> 00:25:12,142
I got 30 bob
for the trousers!

589
00:25:12,175 --> 00:25:14,144
We are from the
ss mother goose.

590
00:25:14,177 --> 00:25:16,580
We were 12 days out
from port of spain

591
00:25:16,613 --> 00:25:19,416
And one night, I was
doing my usual rounds

592
00:25:19,449 --> 00:25:20,784
When I had occasion

593
00:25:20,817 --> 00:25:25,856
To pass the forward
storage lockers...

594
00:25:31,995 --> 00:25:33,263
Go on.

595
00:25:33,296 --> 00:25:34,598
Oh, um...

596
00:25:34,631 --> 00:25:37,100
Well, i-i noticed
something unusual.

597
00:25:37,134 --> 00:25:39,369
The main bilge hatches
had been opened

598
00:25:39,403 --> 00:25:42,039
And there, crouching
amidst the scuppers

599
00:25:42,072 --> 00:25:44,207
Was the most
ghastly creature

600
00:25:44,241 --> 00:25:46,143
I've ever seen
in my life.

601
00:25:46,176 --> 00:25:47,611
As soon as it saw me

602
00:25:47,644 --> 00:25:49,346
Its horrible face
split aside

603
00:25:49,379 --> 00:25:50,981
In a ghastly look
of terror.

604
00:25:51,014 --> 00:25:52,516
Its head,
which was like...

605
00:25:52,549 --> 00:25:54,384
Could you sign
this, please?

606
00:25:54,418 --> 00:25:56,386
A small, a small rat.

607
00:25:56,420 --> 00:25:58,989
It was ghastly
and horrible and befurred.

608
00:25:59,022 --> 00:26:00,857
Its little
red eyes glinted

609
00:26:00,891 --> 00:26:03,460
In the unaccustomed
glare of the midday sun

610
00:26:03,493 --> 00:26:05,462
And before I could
shut the hatch

611
00:26:05,495 --> 00:26:07,864
It sprang upon me
with one almighty...

612
00:26:07,898 --> 00:26:09,199
What this about doing

613
00:26:09,232 --> 00:26:11,535
Horse of the year show
in here tonight?

614
00:26:11,568 --> 00:26:12,736
I'm sorry,
mrs. kelly.

615
00:26:12,769 --> 00:26:14,304
We don't know, I'm afraid.

616
00:26:14,338 --> 00:26:15,539
This is drama.

617
00:26:15,572 --> 00:26:17,808
Mr. fox told me
before he went down to the pub

618
00:26:17,841 --> 00:26:19,910
That they're doing
horse of the year show

619
00:26:19,943 --> 00:26:21,144
In here tonight at 9:10.

620
00:26:21,178 --> 00:26:22,379
This is bbc two.

621
00:26:22,412 --> 00:26:23,547
I think bbc one
are in the kitchen.

622
00:26:23,580 --> 00:26:25,248
Well, I'm not
having harvey smith

623
00:26:25,282 --> 00:26:26,583
Jumping
over my binette.

624
00:26:26,616 --> 00:26:27,818
No. come on!

625
00:26:27,851 --> 00:26:30,287
...tearing at my throat,
ripping my clothes...

626
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,356
And turn the gas off
before you leave!

627
00:26:32,389 --> 00:26:33,457
All right!

628
00:26:33,490 --> 00:26:34,725
I fought it with
all my strength

629
00:26:34,758 --> 00:26:35,792
But it was
too much for me.

630
00:26:35,826 --> 00:26:36,827
Its supernatural powers...

631
00:26:36,860 --> 00:26:39,262
Another clear round

632
00:26:39,296 --> 00:26:41,698
for harvey smith on o'malley.

633
00:26:41,732 --> 00:26:48,605
And now it's mrs. david barker
riding atalanta, number three.

634
00:26:52,476 --> 00:26:54,277
Right! that's it.

635
00:26:54,311 --> 00:26:55,912
Come on, out, out,
all of you!

636
00:26:55,946 --> 00:26:57,581
Get out of my kitchen!
come on!

637
00:26:57,614 --> 00:26:58,715
Harvey smith...

638
00:26:58,749 --> 00:27:00,150
Get out of there!

639
00:27:00,183 --> 00:27:02,419
It's one of our
most popular programs.

640
00:27:02,452 --> 00:27:04,087
That's what you
think, mr. fox.

641
00:27:04,121 --> 00:27:07,057
Well, that's all from
bbc television for this evening.

642
00:27:07,090 --> 00:27:08,358
Come on!
get out! out!

643
00:27:08,392 --> 00:27:10,360
Get out
of my house!

644
00:27:10,394 --> 00:27:11,695
Out! out!

645
00:27:11,728 --> 00:27:14,364
Get out!

646
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,742
Tonight, from london

647
00:27:58,775 --> 00:28:00,277
Your special guests are

648
00:28:00,310 --> 00:28:02,079
Lulu...

649
00:28:02,112 --> 00:28:04,414
Ringo starr...

650
00:28:04,448 --> 00:28:06,983
And the man you've all
been waiting for--

651
00:28:07,017 --> 00:28:10,921
Your host for tonight...

652
00:28:14,257 --> 00:28:15,559
Love the outfit, dear.

653
00:28:15,592 --> 00:28:16,660
It's gorgeous.

654
00:28:16,693 --> 00:28:18,962
Hello. good evening.
welcome.

655
00:28:18,995 --> 00:28:21,565
It's...

656
00:28:21,615 --> 00:28:26,165
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